The Anti-Canada Conspiracy

New York, New York
40° 45' North; 74° 00' West

At first we thought it was just another Random Act of the Bozo that led Bill O'Lielly to blame Canada for destroying Christmas in America.

But then we got a note from Kate Storm, one of the denizens of the AllSpinZone, that stopped us in our tracks.

Because it turns out that other hard right media darlings from south of the line have been flinging their jingoistic hoops of hate at us of late.

One of them is Tucker 'Bowtie Boy' Carlson who has been saying things like:

"Canada's essentially ... a made-in-Taiwan version of the United States"

"I think if Canada were responsible for its own security [it] would be invaded by Norway"

"Without the U.S., Canada is essentially Honduras, but colder and much less interesting"

Another is Ann 'The Adam's Apple That Must Be Obeyed' Coulter who's utterances have been even more vile:

"Conservatives, as a general matter, take the position that you should not punish your friends and reward your enemies. And Canada has become trouble recently."

"....when you're allowed to exist on the same continent of the United States of America, protecting you with a nuclear shield around you, you're polite and you support us when we've been attacked on our own soil.
They [Canada] violated that protocol."

"They better hope the United States doesn't roll over one night and crush them.
They are lucky we allow them to exist on the same continent."

Initially, we found all of this nonsense to be laughable in the extreme.

But then we remembered that mouthpieces of this magnitude are only instructed to slime that which the Big Neandercon Machine fears most.

Which got us to thinking....just what is it that the Kleptofascista have to fear from us anyway?