Friday, April 29, 2005

When Wingnuttery Knocks.....

Grand Forks North Dakota
VigilanteVille



......We Knock Back


Last night I got hosed by Robert Milton.

Again.

This time it was a late plane and a two hour wait on the tarmac at Pearson while the maintenance guys fixed a valve and then added fuel.

Why?

Because Milton's got the schedule so SouthWest Airlines tight that the grounds crews don't have time to do their job properly during the allotted 6.36 minutes between flights.

Which is just one more way of slagging our willful participation in the race to the bottom in this country.

Anyway, once they finally got the big cigar tube up into the sky we took the southern route home from Toronto to Vancouver.

And as we flew over North Dakota, a War Base State with a decidedly pink tinge to it for some strange unknown reason, I could have sworn I saw Albert Speerian klieg lights slicing through the night sky groping for our soft white Air Canada underbelly.

Of course this was just paranoia - right?

But then when I got home and fired up the box after two days away, I found somebody had sent me this:

"The citizens group patrolling the U.S.-Mexican border in Arizona has been in contact with North Dakota groups interested in tighter security along the Canadian border, according to a spokesman for the group.

"There is a great deal of interest in North Dakota, and it isn't only one group," said Grey Deacon, project administrator for Civil Homeland Defense, the Arizona group some have referred to as a vigilante organization.

Deacon said his group is not ready to release the names of any people or groups they've been in contact with.

"We are going along and talking to people and they say they want a more active role," he said. "I would not be surprised to see announcements made in late June, and operations begin in September and October," Deacon said.

Fair enough. I say 'Bring 'Em On'.

After all, we've got a few guys that are pretty good with the two hander who could scare the bejesus out of these made-for-CableTV vigilantes.

In fact, the way I figure it we could take care of these Minutemaid Men in about, well, 15 minutes, by massing our own homegrown, hockey stick-assisted V-group within spitting distance of the line on our side of the border in southern Manitoba.

We could call it 'The McSorely Project', fronted by the man himself, with chief lieutenants Dave Semenko and Todd Bertuzzi.

Of course, the head of the propaganda unit will be a guy Bill O'Reilly will go absolutely bonkers over, Dave 'Flapping Gums' Williams.

And once they suckered the Anita Bryant lovin' Squeezers-of-the-Juice across the Frontier, the MProject would then kick their butts straight north all the way to Flin Flon - former home of the master of the two hander, Paddy Ginnell, not to mention the very best Mary Jane tunnels government money can by.

Of course, the Squeezers would be so freaked out by all of this, not to mention their dismay over the fact that they could stop in at the local clinic to get their juice rashes treated for free, that they would be begging to buy Greyhound tickets from Flin Flon's Gay Busdriver Alliance so that they could get safely home to Nome where we would then keep them pinned down in Alaska as a public service to all of those folks in the Excited States that are still sane enough to realize that vigilantism, even when it is stupid, useless showboating, is the beginning of the end of liberal democracies everywhere.

Sound crazy?

Sound like I'm overreacting?

Maybe.

But just remember this, which is something HST should have once said even if he really didn't:

"Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you."

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