Monday, March 24, 2008

Is This The Place Where Vancouverites....

......Line-Up To Get Their Medication?


Lately, despite what so many folks 'in the know' have been babbling on about incessantly, I've come to notice this nagging carbuncle growing deep within my hindbrain that has started a war in my subconscious.

So much so, that, more than just twice or thrice, I have awoken with a start from an otherwise deep sleep with the soaking sweats mumbling something about a fear that I cannot quite name.

And in talking to my neighbours I have learned that it is not just me.

In fact, it appears that we have all been taken over by some sort of awful infuriatingly ill-defined 'group fear' that may or not have something to do with muffled millrate explosions that have apparently been reported to be taking place deep in the undertow just off Siwash Rock.

Of course, I have been coming teh 'Googletoobz Inc., Quacktacular Version', searching in vain for some sort of an explanation, and the best I have been able to come up with is that it is could be some sort of ill-defined, never-ending 'Little Mountain-to-False Creek Flats-Luge-Run' version of 'Presque-Vu-Vancouver'.

In otherwords the people of Lotusland is in the grips of an affliction where we know something very bad is about to happen but we do not quite know what it is.

Which is a very scary civic situation, indeed

Luckily for us, however, all-around medical man about town (and doubles player extraordinare), Dr. David Berner, has undertaken a full-fledged examination of the city's aching psyche and has come up with following, potentially highly-accurate, diagnosis:

"I have a truly horrible thought.

I am now almost certain that Mayor Sam Sullivan will be re-elected.

As inappropriate or against the common good as that inevitability may be, it now seems unavoidable.

The mayor has the biggest possible advantage: His every utterance is front page material.

He can play out one insincere notion after another, every second or third day until November, and each of these pronouncements will get attention.

And each time his face is shown in the press with the title attached - Mayor - the thoughtless, sentimental average stupid voter will be passively impressed......"

Cheese Willikers!

Can you prescribe massive doses of thorazine, prophylactically for the population of an entire city for, say, I dunno, an extended three year period?

Dr. Berner is not completely unbiased in his diagnosis; so much so that he has let it be known to civic specialist Dr. Ab Fab that he himself might consider taking a shot at helping to run the asylum if the head resident, whom some have suggested has started to vaguely resemble the long lost little brother of Nurse Ratchet, were to be removed forthwith (or at least before June 9th).


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